"The bicycle is the most civilized conveyance known to man. Other forms of transport grow daily more nightmarish. Only the bicycle remains pure in heart." ~Iris Murdoch, The Red and the Green

It was 4:30am on March 20^th, Max’s 10^th birthday. I realize this will make me sound like a terrible procrastinator, but it’s really not all that bad. I had been thinking and planning for a long time. However, past experience taught me that kids are apt to change their minds, a lot.

In this case, the original plans were to fly to Grandpa’s house in Texas for Spring Break which Max started talking about the day he turned 9. However, as his 10^th birthday approached, the plan changed to a birthday party at Flips. The next plan was a sleepover birthday party with three friends. Finally he decided he wanted gifts and dinner with the family. At the last minute, he decided he wanted me to make fruit pizza to share with his class at school. Making purchases too long in advance invariably ends in returning things as plans change…so, at 4:30am on March 20^th, I headed to the store.

My plan was to run out for birthday groceries, then go to Target later in the day to pick up the presents. Heading out the door, I thought ‘I may as well take the car, it’s kind of cold…not that that matters. It’ll be quicker…yeah, right. I will have more room to carry stuff…I can carry 8 2x4 studs and tool bags on the xtracycle – how much room would I need for birthday presents, really?’ What was I thinking? I don’t exactly know, but there you have it. I stepped out the door with car keys in hand and driving on my mind.

It was a crisp gorgeous morning, the sky a deep midnight blue with an indigo halo surrounding a spectacular full moon. I almost decided to just hop on the bike right then. A little voice said ‘Nah, just take the car it’ll be quicker.’ Listening, I got into the Subaru and started the engine. I looked up, I couldn’t see out of the windows; they were covered with frost. Crud! I turned the defroster up to high and got out of the car looking for an ice scraper. All the time thinking, ‘Geez stupid, just get on the bike!’

I found the scraper and started working on the windshield, it didn’t do anything as the frost wasn’t all that hard…too hard to wipe, to soft to scrape. Resigned, I got back in the car waiting for the defroster to do its work. As I sat in the idling car waiting, I felt colder than I remembered feeling in ages.

There are few things in this world colder than a cold car. You are surrounded in this little box of cold metal and plastic waiting for the heat to come and warm you. Space is limited so you can’t generate your own heat by moving your body. Even if you could, you wouldn’t feel warm, because it wouldn’t be sufficient to heat all the frigid metal and plastic that surrounds you. You are forced to wait for the car’s heater to do that for you.

There I sat in the idling car freezing and shivering, peaking at my bike through the tiny line across the bottom of the windshield that had been cleared by the defroster. Thinking, ‘Good gravy, if I’d just taken the bike, I would already be at Broadway and Stadium, less than a mile from my destination. I would be warm from the effort and feeling great from the exercise. But here I am sitting in the car shivering.’

Of course, I could have gotten out of the car at anytime and hopped on my bike. But by this point I was consumed by morbid curiosity trying to understand our car-consumed culture. Most people do this every morning and think I’m crazy for riding my bike everywhere. What gives? I was like a person who sees a horrible car accident and wants to look away, but can’t. So I stuck it out.

I sat waiting for the defroster to do its work. I thought of the gas I was burning at $3.09/gallon, the noxious fumes I was dumping into the environment, and all the extra time I have to work each month to earn the money to pay the car payments, insurance, gas, and maintenance costs, for what? For the privilege of sitting in my driveway freezing my butt off?

Finally, the windows were sufficiently cleared and I was able to leave my driveway. Had I taken my bike, I would have been there already.

I arrived at Hy-Vee and looked across to Wal-Mart. I don’t normally shop at Wal-Mart. I am just not a fan. There are all the standard reasons that pseudo-intellectual white people have for hating Wal-Mart. Ultimately for me, it was a series of really negative shopping experiences(moldy grapes, electronics that worked for less than an hour, clothes that wore out in 45 miutes, rude unaccommodating salespeople, wandering through aisle after aisle of junk unable to find what I need, long checkout lines...I could continue, but you get the point) that finally made me swear off Wal-Mart for good. Well almost for good, every year or so, something will come up that makes me go to Wal-Mart for some reason. Being optimistic by nature, I always think maybe it will be different this time.

As I was approaching Broadway and Fairview, I thought ‘If I go to Wal-Mart and get the gifts and the groceries now. I won’t have to go to Target later. That’d be nice.’ So against my better judgement, I turned into the Wal-Mart parking lot. Maybe it’ll be different this time. I said I was an optimist, remember?

My first mistake was parking by the north doors; they are locked until 6am. I walked over to the south door, right next to the bike rack…oh the irony. Walking into the south door, I was met by the greeter – for lack of a better word. He was not the kindly elderly person in the ugly blue vest that meets you during regular business hours. This was a big t-shirt clad gum smacking scary looking guy who glared at me with arms crossed over his chest challenging me to steal something. I smiled meekly and said "Hello". He just continued to glare at me smacking away on his gum and grunting what I assumed was a greeting. I should have turned around right then.

I headed to the toy department in the deep recesses of the store. On the way there I passed several cardboard cut-out Nascar drivers smiling down at me in their sponsor ladden jumpsuits leaning on their gleaming cardboard cars. This is really weird. I turned a corner and jumped as I came face to face with two huge WWF wrestlers tearing their shirts off promising to pummel me from their poster rack. I finally made it to the toy department. They didn’t have one of the Lego sets I needed, and the other two were five dollars cheaper at Target. Strike out number one.

I thought about just leaving at this point, but the thought of passing that burly greeter without any packages sort of scared me, would he think I stole something if I hadn’t bought anything? ‘Surely I will have better luck in the grocery section.’ I told myself though past experience indicated otherwise.

I made my way through groceries and found most of what I was looking for, I would be able to make due without the rest.  Maybe that's what Wal-Mart is trying to teach us: how to make due without the things we do need by substituting those things with a lot of crap we don't need...a valuable survival lesson in this day and age. I made my purchases and headed home in my very cold car berating myself for driving on such a gorgeous morning. Once my friend, Michelle, told me "When I am in my car and I see someone on their bike, I wish I was on my bike. When I am on my bike, I am glad I’m on my bike." I know what she means.